Thursday, June 10, 2010

Forever a Freshman

I don't think it's hit me yet that the year is over. With a busy weekend ahead, it feels exactly like it will be any other weekend, chaotic and rushed, and I'll return to school on Monday with an enormous backpack and prepare for another week of school. It hasn't sunk in yet that the seniors are no longer seniors, but college freshmen, and that they will not be returning, not on Monday, not in August, not ever. But, despite how much I'm going to miss seeing our seniors, I think the biggest mindfuck is that I'm going to be a sophomore.

Freshman year has been the closest to a religious experience I've ever gotten. The volatile mixture of hormones, pressure and enthusiasm has pushed every experience to the extreme end of the spectrum. The bonds of friendship morph from rope to steel, the fire of lust turns from a sweat-inducing red glow to a burning blue flame, and the naive demeanor of the preteen years bows to the sheer awkwardness of teenagerdom. I have realized what it means to truly have "best friends", and I have found role models in the upperclassmen. I have been humiliated and honored, rejected and sought after, and not only have I fought depression, but I've kicked its sorry ass into a pit full of rabid Dobermans. I have finally felt like I truly belonged somewhere, and that I was part of something bigger than a single freshmen class.

In the years to come, I will become an upperclassman, and watch as my friends gradually filter out to various colleges and jobs, until the day comes that it will be me in that green cap and gown, walking across that stage and beginning the journey that will take me through the rest of my life. However, part of me will always be the naive, overly enthusiastic, awkward little freshman girl, and I can only hope that the memories will remain as well. Class of 2010, I will miss you. May you find success in your endeavors that matter, and may you find happiness in whatever way suits your whims. I love each and every one of you, and I want you to know that this is not the end.

In fact, it's only the beginning.

1 comment:

  1. It's weird, because I remember feeling this same way when I was a freshman. The finality of the seniors Leaving Forever was so stark and poignant it made me want to cry. But weirdly enough, it gets less dramatic as you get older, so that when you do finally walk across the stage in cap and gown, you'll be kind of like ".....ok. So......that was... IT?"

    But it's still kind of a mindfuck.